Its been a long time since I last post on this blog. Nw I got th feel to make it come back to life again. Coz I got too many things to say. Too many troubles n worries. N the worst thing is tht I don’t even know whts wrong wit my mind. Seems like some ufo hit my head hard while tryin to land safely on earth or some aliens jus shot me in my head coz im th first human thy saw whn thy land on this planet. Okay, enuff of my nonsense n craps.its time I move on to sayin out wht I wanna say. Splitting out all my saddnes n stress. This post in is chapters.

Th start of it.

Nt long ago, abt 7 months ago… I was still wit ziliang. Th one n only guy tht can provide me wit whtever I wan. Most imptly, th love n care I wanted from a boyf. A criterial need from every boyf of mine. But sadly, he changed. Out of a sudden, I wasn’t his priority anymore. His frens were more impt. His drinking session was far more impt. I was struggling at tht point of time. Worrying abt money issues. Even having a meal wit my frens he would be unhappy. If I offended him in any way, make him angry or spoil his mood, he would jus nt reply me from th whole day. Worst situation was two days going three. I was so hurt. Even up till nw, flashing back to th past, it still hurts as if everyt jus happened ytd or smtg.seems so much like a nightmare..  Worst text from him tht made my heart so broken. Left me hanging there alone. Cryin alone whenever I thought abt it. Was tht he rather slp den to spend time pei me. I was his girlf at tht moment. Yet I fel tht I was being treated far worst den a stranger. Out of th blue, he felt so unfamiliar to me. Like a total new person tht jus step into my life in less den an hr.things turned very sour back thn. Every drama I watch, jus portraying a couple only.be it sweet or quarreling type. I jus ended up like a abandon cry baby sittin on th sofa. Huggin my phone hopin th best to come…

Leaving him.

Thn, I made a decision. I texted him. Drink or pei me. He said drink.coz he promised his frens alrdy. Yet he can jus break his promise of spending quality time wit me. It was a promise a wk ago. N yet he had alrdy forgotten it. I told myself nt to stay anymore. Coz I suffered enuff. I deserve th happiness every young lady shld hav. I left him. I went to sch as per norm. went to work. Tryin to numb myself in every possible way.jus day 2 after I went back to work, Jasper, a colleague tried to hit on me. But my aim thn was to stay single.. plus he wasn’t my cup of tea. I took up th courage to find back my old frens. Those frens tht I wasn’t allowed n I cant contact whn I was wit ziling. He basically restricted me till I got no social life. N he blames me from restricting his social life. Whn his frens jio him he didn’t wanna go.coz he wnna spend it wit me. But I took up most of th stuffs he blames me for. Sometimes too tired to explain or quarrel back. Th first few frens I look back was junwei n co. damn.thy didn’t giv up on me.thy didn’t  forget me. Instead thy understand me.. life was pretty plain thn. But I had my work n sch to keep me busy.

This boyf.

Nt long after, I found back Wilfred. My mac’s best buddy cum best bro of all. I wanted to get back wit him coz his th one tht helps me whenever I was being throw aside by ziliang or my parents. I texted him, requested him to pick me up after work. Nd to admit smtg over here.. I kinda wanna let tht Jasper back off on his own whn he saw wilfred come pick me up. We spend time tgt. Talkin. Playin. Cryin to my sadness. Suddenly,he hug me. Whisper to my ear, tellin me nt to be sad. I was so touched. p/s: I knew he had a crush on me years ago.jus wasn’t cfm till he hug me.lol  n I too once had a crush on him.but wasn’t asure of my feelings thn.  But after we were tgt. I was 100% sure I was in love wit this guy.

His existence made me forget ziliang slowly. Bringing more n more happiness to my life. Letting me be a princess being loved by th prince again.

My foolish mind.

This title roughly gav u an idea of wht im thinking nw. yes. 6 months of relationship. Almost turned into dust becoz of my actions. Some part of me still cant let go of th ex. A huge part of me still love wilfred this boyf till even this day.

 Maybe its becoz I n her share th same boyf, ziliang. It was th past for me. Th present for her. Happening since first april. Yet, I was so upset. I once did so much to him. Yet this girl out of no where didn’t do much. Yet he dote on this girl more den he used to dote on me. Bring her sentimental place like waterfront.  Im aware of th sadness n pain I inflicted to my ex. But its becoz I couldn’t take his actions anymore. N in th middle of it I scolded him countless times. Coz I jus couldn’t accept th fact tht he treated me in tht manner. N one of th thing was tht im being used as a threaten tool against him for some outsiders issues.

I contacted him for my stuffs. But he keeps draggin. Talk to him n he tried to make me  say out stuffs like I regretted leaving him n stuffs. But I didn’t regret leaving him. I knw I made th right choice to do tht. Coz I n him jus cant work out.we aint meant to be. I admit I was sad coz some part of me still cant let go. But even he n his girlf break n no more le, I also wont go back. Coz it doesn’t work tht way. N hell no. im nt gonna leave my Wilfred again. I made a mistake thes two days. N im nt gonna like history repeats itself again.  I CANT FKIN AFFORT TO LOSE WILFRED AGAIN.

I did some soul searchin today. I finally let go of everyt.. my heart don’t feel so xin ku anymore. Coz 我看开了。真正属于我的幸福，我的最终，是我最爱的男朋友, WILFRED TAN JUNLI.

 I caused so much hurt to Wilfred. N I truly regretted it. Very very much.

Baby, if ur reading this, im sry.. I nd u back. I nd u to love me like u always do.. we could walk this tgt am I right? Lets replace all those unwanted memories wit our new memories yeah?:C

140912, I miss u, I need u, I love u..